Pre-Baby, Post-Baby

If there is one thing I miss about pre-baby period, is the freedom and mobility to do things, freely. For example, pedicures. I used to get a pedicure done every 3-4 weeks but now, my toes look horrendous and I have to arrange with my mum a day so she can babysit B while I head out. Troublesome.

Massages. I have a package with about at least 5 sessions left. My body is screaming for one, but again, Ms Procrastinator "can't find time" to make an appointment or decide on when.

The matter of fact is, I feel guilty having my mum babysit B while I go get myself pampered. If its for important matters like going to the doctor, to the bank or other official matters, I do it without batting an eyelid. But massages, pedicures, these are luxuries. I'm sure mum won't mind, but I'm not sure iI can enjoy thinking mum is taking care of B while I'm relaxing. She has enough on her plate.

Couple time with DH. It's like he's here with me yet not here with me. Cryptic? He's 100% involved in caring for B, waking for night feeds, changing his diapers, playing with him etc etc...and whilst we do this together, its not the same. There were 2 ocassions we went out without B. When my ex-colleagues gave me a farewell party and when we visited a friend who had given birth. Both times it felt weird. We embraced it but couldn't wait to go back to B.

Now it sounds like having a child pretty much means loss of freedom to a certain extent. I guess there is an element of truth in that, but, there's nothing I wouldn't give just to have B in our lives. And for that, I'm willing to go through the pains of labour over and over, and over and over again.

Random Thoughts

It has been at least 3 months since I last blogged proper from a computer. Here I am, sitting in front of a laptop at 6.54am on a Friday morning, having accomplished much.

B woke at 4ish for milk, I had finished pumping by 6, showered, cleaned some of the kitchen equiment, and now, sitting here enjoying a cuppa before B wakes. DH took the day off today to "spend time with his family". It is so utterly sweet seeing him with B and I can certainly understand why he sees the need to. We leave home around 7am in the morning and usually not home till 6-7pm in the evening. B's bed time, at the very latest, is 8pm. DH doesn't get much time with him at all par the weekends. At least one of us gets to spend quality time with our boy.

Would you understand if I said there's so many things happening in my life now, yet there's nothing to update? I guess I'm kept busy with caring for B - everyday is the same yet different. Everyday there's something new in our routine,makes sense? Whilst your body gets accustomed to the lack of sleep, physically, it wears you down. My body definitely feels older - my bones are stiff, back is breaking and am in such a need for a good Thai massage. Note to self: get one SOON.

Random thoughts:

1. I really want to blog more, and of course, on more interesting topics like perhaps baby's development, food, health and wellbeing etc. If I can have 30-60 minutes a day in front of a laptop, I would really try to be more disciplined. But really, the first thing I need to do is to get a new lappy - the key here is for it to be really lightweight so that I can carry it around. Knowing the procrastinator in me, I'll probably take forever. I've been meaning to call up the banks to cancel a couple of credit cards and have not done so. Why oh why, queen of procrastinator?

2. Cooking. Not much difference these days compared to pre-baby. We used to cook only during the weekends, pretty much the same now too. I would want to cook more, if only I'm not so tired everyday. I'm a piece of deadmeat by 8pm every day.

3. I've become more confident in taking B out alone to meet friends, the next thing I want to accomplish is to take him in the car, which is proving to be extremely challenging because he refused to stay in the car seat for long. All in good time I hope. If this works, I probably don't have to go over to my mum's so early everyday. I can bathe B at home, feed him and probably even wait till he has his first nap before heading over. This way, it cuts back on a lot of ferrying items to and fro, carrying his clothes, bottles, pump parts etc.

4. Starting this month, DH is giving me allowance and the cash for groceries and B's neccessities like diapers. It will be a change to what I'm used to every month, but I want to make this my personal challenge to spend within our means and have access to keep.

5. Do I really have a baby?!

Bliss. :)

Bradley is Four Months Old

Today, B turns four months. It has been such a whirlwind four months. Not a single day past without me counting my blessings, reliving those 40 weeks of pregnancy, trying to recall how painful labour was (it's true, you forget about it!), the trying period of the first four weeks of his life and looking at the little miracle we have been blessed with.

I am so very grateful to DH for the opportunity to stay home and care for B. It is the most tedious, tiring and sometimes mentally torturing job ever, but it is also most gratifying. I surprised myself by kinda miss being in a corporate environment, but as of now, our priority is B. Having said that though, a couple f weeks back, I was so sucked into caring for him I felt myself disintegrating. What do you mean, you ask? We were getting into a routine of going to my mums place in the morning and returning home in the evening. That involves me waking up at 5 to pump, sometimes 4+ for feeding. It was so physically tiring as I often just donned on the simplest and more comfortable outfit I could grab, a tshirt and a pair of shorts. I felt like an Aunty, a 40-yo Aunty to be exact. And then I figured, "this has to change". Whilst I initially see no need in me dressing up to go to my mums, I realised if I don't, I'll be wearing oversized tees and shorts every day! It was rather scary picturing myself going down that path. So I changed. Everyday, I dressed like I'm going to work, casual Friday sorta outfit. I have my cosmetics in the baby bag just in case I decide to go out. It made me feel better almost immediately. So they say, 人靠衣装， 佛靠金装. I think this is very important for SAHMs. I have also been trying to keep up with the news, reading and keeping abreast with things happening. I'm really afraid of "disintegrating".

Right now, I've moved from pumping every 4 hourly to 6. My life is soooo much better! My timings are 5-11-5-11. It gives us more freedom to go out. My supply remains more or less the same, a slight dip but I guess it's ok. The goal is still to bf him till 6mo, if by then supply is ok I guess I'll continue. We'll see.

B is doing great, apart from his feeds. So bloody confusing. At days he drink 160ml every 3 hours, then he decides he only wants to drink 60-100, or he decides he's not hungry and will drink at 4 hours interval. I weighed him recently and he has not put on weight. I'm sure pd will say he's fine but its still a little disturbing. He's leaner as opposed to being chubby. I hope everything is ok. Can't wait till next pd visit to get the assurance.

I've also become more confident and have took B out alone on a few occasions. Will want to continue doing this otherwise both our lives are going to be mundane.

Will Be Back... Hopefully Soon

I've been meaning to update, but of late, B's sleeping schedule changed and is only napping 30 minutes!

I want to do a proper post, ie sitting in front of a computer and not posting via iPhone. 

I'll be back. Meanwhile, twitter for more updates.

Co Sleeping Or Not?

Before the arrival of B, I was quite firm that I want B to sleep in his own room latest by one month old. Co sleeping worked better especially when I was latching. Then when he was 2-month old, I told myself, lets wait till he's 3-month and can sleep through the night before we move him.

I recently found myself bargaining with myself that I want B to stay until he's 6-month. I know this must stop. So we completed his nursery and he has been sleeping alone since. DH and I felt weird to be able to speak out loud and watch tv in our room. I think this is so important for our relationship.

Vaccine Day

*Updates: he did grow taller, he's 64cm as opposed to 61cm last month. His weight and head circumference is at 75th percentile and height at 90th percentile.*

Today we took B for his pneumococcal vaccine. Last month the clinic assistant already warned us that this jab will hurt more than 5-in-1, so we were prepared. Today, dr said the same thing, so we looked and each other and prayed it won't be too bad. To our absolute delight and surprise, B only cried when the needle went in and stopped when it was over, we were so relieved.

He put on another kilo, weighing 6.9kg but I don't think he grew any taller. He's 64cm now. Everything is trending well and pd said can start semi solids from 4-6 months and judge when he is ready. 

How to tell if baby is ready for solids:

1. He is able to sit upright

2. When his appetite increases and want more milk even during the night

3. When you offer him the spoon, he doesn't spit out or push away with his tongue.

As I'm planning to give him BM till 6 months, I will start the solids around 5th month mark. You don't wanna start later than 6th month for fear of rejection. I'm so excited for that next milestone to come! Should probably start researching on types of purée to serve his majesty.

Over the weekend, our mummies group had a gathering at my place, it was chaotic. I'll let the picture do the talking but DH and I were pretty amused by some of the babies and kiddos. 

Funny how your life changes.. From happy hours, champagne, wines to diaper changing and play dates!